In My Head | 2023 Self Portraits

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2023

"I Am Here." Self-Portrait Photograph by Lewis Derogene, also known as PhenomenaLewis, made in November 2023, 16in X 24in.
I created this piece after being inspired by Frank Stewart's "Clock of the Earth" photograph of three Ghanaian women with baskets on their heads walking away from the camera. That photograph reminded me of growing up in Haiti and seeing the women selling food, clothes and whatever else they wanted to sell. I would always get excited if they were selling food, especially fritay (which consists of fried plantains, fried fish, fried pork, fried dough, and other fried food).
I didn't want it to be too specific in my interpretation of that piece. So, I used books. I used Black art books that I have on my shelf: "Committed to the Image: Contemporary Black Photographers," released by the Brooklyn Museum and edited by Barbara Head Millstein, "Natural Fashion Tribal Decoration from Africa," by Hans Silvester, and "In the Black Fantastic," by Ekow Eshun.
While editing on Adobe Photoshop, I duplicated the image and overlaid text that I then removed over the image to create a negative of the text.
The text reads:
“It started out as just an image, a reference photo created to remind myself of what I am capable of until it formed a definition beyond visuals in the post production. It developed a meaning of stability present in the form of books balanced on top of my head. It developed a meaning of continuity with the open book in my hands. It developed a meaning of focus with my eyes looking forward beyond the frame of this photograph. It developed a meaning of more than just a photograph, a work of art. I typically find comfort in the exaggerated form of seeing myself in beautiful satin fabrics that I long to embody in spirit. The softness of the textures and beautifully saturated hues of pinks and reds that kisses the brain reminds me of what I desire most, to be soft. I desire to embody softness. However, none of that is my true reality. I became obsessed with the idea of becoming something I wasn’t, of becoming a soft Black woman in a world where I get triggered by the longest gaze of a stranger with no welcoming or warm facade to the annoyed and disgusted covert shift of a person as I walk near. My presence as a tall dark skin Black woman has never been a factor of joy for me when the discomfort of others pained me. Now, I just want to ignore it and continue to be me even if I never get to achieve the ideal soft nature that crowds my dreams. The most I can do is try. I still am a beautiful, strong, independent, smart, and capable, Black woman. The world can live with it whether it likes it or not. I am Here.”
This excerpt is about my entire practice which is to visually achieve softness in aesthetic and in character to fight against harmful tropes and stereotypes set on Black women.

"Reality of Things" a self-portrait photograph by Lewis Derogene also known as PhenomenaLewis in late 2023.
"Reality of Things" is part of my other self-portrait photograph, "Commencement," photoshoot with different meanings.
Within this piece if you look closely towards my eyes, you will see that there is a semi-transparent text that reads "It's a lot of inputting numbers. That's the reality of things." This quote came to mind while editing video and photographs today. I realized that most of my art process is inputting numbers or calculating numbers. For photographs, I'm inputting numbers to balance colors and meet my aesthetic just right or when I'm creating a sculpture or drawing, there is a lot of mathematical calculations of what's the measurement and how many of what should go where to balance the composition.
I remember when was younger I used to love math class but never really saw a real reason to study it because I didn't really know that I would use it at all in life. Now I know, it's makes up my art practice and makes everything run more smoothly. Of course, because of this, I know that there is the other side of thinking this way with mathematical equations and calculations running through my mind like a headless chicken is very tiring and heavy.
The intense gaze adds an element of realness in reaction to the heaviness of seeing and hearing numbers all the time from not being able to do simple tasks without counting in my head and if the numbers don't add up to a divisible number that I should start over or if I'm interrupted, I have to count back to see where I last left off to continue counting. It's gruesome.
That narrative is represented here in this self-portrait photograph.

In this photograph, I'm looking off into the distance, staring at something off frame with a hint of judgement with my head slightly tilted downwards. My left hand is reaching over grabbing a handful of the soft pink satin fabric on my right shoulder against a dark background.

The Let it Go series is a self-portrait photograph by Lewis Derogene, artistically known as PhenomenaLewis. This series was photographed in PhenomenaLewis’ home in 2023.
“Let it Go is about releasing all the personal offenses that I feel. Bit by bit I take things personally in my life whether something was done intentionally or unintentionally to make me upset. It starts to crowd in my mind and becomes something I have scenarios about throughout my day and that can be pretty heavy to carry.
In light of different situations in my life, be it relationships, work or my spiritual life, I decided to let it go and what that looks like for me is to loosen my heavily weighted mind.
To represent that I photographed myself grabbing my hair in a tight grip and loosening it until I completely let it go.
The tension of holding to disdain is always in our heads and it affects us more than it affects people around us until it does. It’s a psychological response to not knowing how to talk about what’s bothering us. We bottle the hurt in until we explode whether that looks like physically falling ill, having a breakdown or falling off the edge.
It’s not good to hold it in, even if the conversation that needs to be had is hard to swallow for the other person, it will eventually come to a solution whether that involves a mediator or the people involved hash it out. It’s important to let it go, for the sake of those around you, and for your sake as well.

Part 1 is the first step in this process where I'm holding on to the hurt demonstrated by grabbing hold of my hair.”

The Let it Go series is a self-portrait photograph by Lewis Derogene, artistically known as PhenomenaLewis. This series was photographed in PhenomenaLewis’ home in 2023.
“Let it Go is about releasing all the personal offenses that I feel. Bit by bit I take things personally in my life whether something was done intentionally or unintentionally to make me upset. It starts to crowd in my mind and becomes something I have scenarios about throughout my day and that can be pretty heavy to carry.
In light of different situations in my life, be it relationships, work or my spiritual life, I decided to let it go and what that looks like for me is to loosen my heavily weighted mind.
To represent that I photographed myself grabbing my hair in a tight grip and loosening it until I completely let it go.
The tension of holding to disdain is always in our heads and it affects us more than it affects people around us until it does. It’s a psychological response to not knowing how to talk about what’s bothering us. We bottle the hurt in until we explode whether that looks like physically falling ill, having a breakdown or falling off the edge.
It’s not good to hold it in, even if the conversation that needs to be had is hard to swallow for the other person, it will eventually come to a solution whether that involves a mediator or the people involved hash it out. It’s important to let it go, for the sake of those around you, and for your sake as well.
Part 2 is the part of the process that takes a lot of courage to do which is letting go demonstrated by loosening my grip on my hair."

The Let it Go series is a self-portrait photograph by Lewis Derogene, artistically known as PhenomenaLewis. This series was photographed in PhenomenaLewis’ home in 2023.
“Let it Go is about releasing all the personal offenses that I feel. Bit by bit I take things personally in my life whether something was done intentionally or unintentionally to make me upset. It starts to crowd in my mind and becomes something I have scenarios about throughout my day and that can be pretty heavy to carry.
In light of different situations in my life, be it relationships, work or my spiritual life, I decided to let it go and what that looks like for me is to loosen my heavily weighted mind.
To represent that I photographed myself grabbing my hair in a tight grip and loosening it until I completely let it go.
The tension of holding to disdain is always in our heads and it affects us more than it affects people around us until it does. It’s a psychological response to not knowing how to talk about what’s bothering us. We bottle the hurt in until we explode whether that looks like physically falling ill, having a breakdown or falling off the edge.
It’s not good to hold it in, even if the conversation that needs to be had is hard to swallow for the other person, it will eventually come to a solution whether that involves a mediator or the people involved hash it out. It’s important to let it go, for the sake of those around you, and for your sake as well.
Part 3 is the final step where you're free from all the baggage you were holding on to."

"In My Head" a self-portrait photograph by Lewis Derogene aka PhenomenaLewis, published in August 2023.
In My Head is a self-portrait photograph that represents the feelings of comfort, safety, love and trust in my mind ever since deciding to really focus on my relationship with God. I find myself more at peace and this is what it looks like in my head.

To create this self-portrait I photographed myself laying on top of my pillows on my bed while holding my over 15 years old flute in my hands. I used my canon rebel t7 camera to shoot this and for the environment around me I used Nomad Sculpt to 3D model everything around me. I set the lighting on nomad sculpt to match the lighting positions and angles from when I photographed myself to make it easy to composite and render together on Adobe Photoshop.

"One" a self-portrait by, Lewis Derogene aka PhenomenaLewis, published in June 2023 photographed in her bedroom in Connecticut.
In this fine art photograph, you see PhenomenaLewis, a Haitian Black woman standing strong while looking off into the distance with a regal presence against a colorful galactic night sky.

"Crave" a self-portrait by, Lewis Derogene aka PhenomenaLewis, published in January 2023 photographed in her bedroom in Connecticut. This fine art photograph shows PhenomenaLewis, a dark-skinned Black woman in the nude with her head covered by a pink blanket that's seen slightly wrapped around her body surrounded by darkness with a light touch of colored lights.
When I was photographing this shot, it was during the same photoshoot as my untitled self portrait photo. I was in a moment of anguish and longing for better but not knowing how to get there. It's funny because I made this in 2022 in the spring time and the feeling is still the same now.
So, I titled this "Crave" because I still want better for myself, but like in the photograph, I have my back turned which represents me turning my back on myself because now I'm afraid any effort I put in will be for nothing.

"In My Head" a self-portrait photograph by Lewis Derogene aka PhenomenaLewis, published in August 2023.
In My Head is a self-portrait photograph that represents the feelings of comfort, safety, love and trust in my mind ever since deciding to really focus on my relationship with God. I find myself more at peace and this is what it looks like in my head.

To create this self-portrait I photographed myself laying on top of my pillows on my bed while holding my over 15 years old flute in my hands. I used my canon rebel t7 camera to shoot this and for the environment around me I used Nomad Sculpt to 3D model everything around me. I set the lighting on nomad sculpt to match the lighting positions and angles from when I photographed myself to make it easy to composite and render together on Adobe Photoshop.

In My Head

August 2023
Self Portrait Digital Photography and 3D model
53in X 44in


In My Head is a self-portrait photograph that represents the feelings of comfort, safety, love and trust in my mind ever since deciding to really focus on my relationship with God. I find myself more at peace and this is what it looks like in my head.

To create this self-portrait I photographed myself laying on top of my pillows on my bed while holding my over 15 years old flute in my hands. I used my canon rebel t7 camera to shoot this and for the environment around me I used Nomad Sculpt to 3D model everything around me. I set the lighting on nomad sculpt to match the lighting positions and angles from when I photographed myself to make it easy to composite and render together on Adobe Photoshop.

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